Wednesday Word

Good Morning my friends,
I just want to share with you something that blessed me from one of the daily encouragements I receive.

 “Fear not: stand still, firm, confident undismayed and see the salvation of the Lord which He will work for you today…the Lord will fight for you and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.” Exodus 14:13-14 Amplified Bible

“These words contain God’s command to the believer when they are reduced to great straits and brought into extraordinary difficulties. You cannot retreat; you cannot go forward; you are shut upon the right hand and on the left. What is one now to do?” The Master’s word is “stand still.” It would be well if at, such times, we listen only to our Master’s word, for other and evil advisers come with their suggestions. Despair whispers, ‘Lie down and die; give it all up.’ But God would have us put on a cheerful courage, and even in our worst times, rejoice in His love and faithfulness.” Charles Haddon Surgeon

The word for today is, take your finger off the panic button. Don't run. Trust God even when you can't track where he is going. Stand still, firm and confident. I can only do that when I know I have backing.

The hard part for most of us is the hold your peace part.  We want to explain our side and get someone told. The Scripture says, SHUT UP and let God fight for you. 

My dears, it has been lovely being with you another morning and as always...live Blessed

Tuesday Tools

Good Morning,
Today is Tuesday Tools, and I have a treat for you. As I often do, I want to share one of the wonderful women that I encounter through Happy Black Woman and Rosetta Thurman. Today, I want to share Valorie Burton. She will discuss with us Helping People Get Unstuck and be Happy.
If that is you sit back and enjoy Valorie...and remember live Blessed.

http://happyblackwoman.com/hbw040-valorie-burton-helping-people-get-unstuck-and-be-unstoppable/

Monday Motivation

Good morning
This is Monday Motivation and I want share a little bit of love. Too often as women we are pitted against each other and don't take the time to lift each other or ourselves up.
So I want to challenge you to find a positive thing to say, to at least, one woman today and find one positive thing that you are going to tell yourself today.

Friday Findings

TGIF
This month is women's history month so I want to something about a women's issue, endometriosis. Below you will find some stats that should make think twice before getting to young ladies for not having kids. Some young ladies, can't.
And as always...live Blessed

Symptoms
There are many symptoms of endometriosis, but not everyone will experience all, most or even any of the symptoms. Most commonly endometriosis patients experience pelvic pain.  Pain usually coincides with menstruation, but some women may have symptoms throughout their entire cycle.

The other symptoms will vary depending on where the endometriosis lesions are growing, but may include:

*“Killer cramps” – cramps that do not go away with NSAIDS and/or impede the activities of daily living

*Long periods – periods that last longer than 7 days long

Heavy menstrual flow – having to change your pad or tampon every hour to two hours throughout most of your period

*Bowel and urinary disorders – including but not limited to painful urination or bowel movements, frequent urge to urinate, or diarrhea
*Nausea or vomiting
*Pain during sexual activities
*Infertility

Over time, cyclic inflammation causes the scar tissue and adhesions to build up around the lesion, giving the impression of the lesion increasing in size. 

These may cause their own issues, such as organs which are bound together or anatomy that is moved out of place.
Some women do not realize they have endometriosis until they try to become pregnant.

Approximately 30-40% of women who have endometriosis experience issues with their fertility. However, studies have shown that fertility may improve after undergoing excision surgery to treat endometriosis.
Epidemiology and Disease Patterns

Endometriosis affects 176 million women worldwide, and 1 in 10 girls and women in the US.

Endometriosis usually causes symptoms during reproductive years (~12-60 years old), however many women and girls are undiagnosed.

Endometriosis affects women equally across all racial/ethnic and socioeconomic lines.

As of now, researchers have not identified one specific cause for endometriosis. Multiple theories exist but none can adequately explain every aspect of endometriosis.

Endometriosis is not contagious and cannot be passed from person to person through contact.

We do know that there may be a genetic component to endometriosis. Girls who have a close female relative are 5-7x more likely to have it themselves, but more research  is necessary to fully understand the genetic characteristics of endometriosis.

For many years, doctors believed that retrograde menstruation was the main cause of endometriosis. However, it is now understood that 90% of women have retrograde menstruation and only 1 in 10 have endometriosis.

More research is required to determine why retrograde menstruation affects women differently.

Research has also shown endometriosis can be present during fetal development and may simply be activated at puberty when estrogen levels increase in the body.

Autopsies performed on infants have shown evidence of endometriosis.
The immune system and the body’s inflammatory response also contribute to endometriosis, although the mechanisms are poorly understood

Thursday Thoughts

Happy Thursday,
This week is almost over.  March is women's history month.  As I began to think about what to talk about I reflected on the women that have enhanced my life.  Women who knowingly or unknowingly made a difference. 

So I want to challenge you, this month, to tell them that. Tell the women have helped you in anyway, thank you. Ideas; take them to lunch (you pay), send them a card, email,  handwritten letter, send them flowers or a fruit bouquet. Something that comes from your heart.

As women we spend so much time tearing each other down, let's change that vibe this month. You never know your act of kindness might be the thing your sister needs. Just a thought for Thursday Thoughts. As with everyday...live Blessed

Wednesday Word

Good Wednesday morning,
Wow as I scrolled down my facebook feed I had to shake my head and say wow more than once. This world, that we exist in, is in a sad state of affairs. There were shootings, deaths, racism is at an all time high (for my lifetime), the state of education is at an absolutely sad place. The election cycle and candidates that are coming forth are deplorable. So much tragedy and despair,  yet church attendance and faith in God is at an all time low.
How can we process through all of this without the help of God? Like a perfect gentleman,  he is not going to force his way into our affairs,  he must be invited and ask to reign over our lives. Yet it is so hard for us to give up control because our society had convinced us that we can do it on our own. Well, how is that working so far?
It is truly time for believers to get back to seeking the direction of the Lord.  Truly praying until the power of the Lord comes down and consumes our sacrifice.  The deception spirits that are permeating our families have to be stopped. We can't be rude, but we can't be comfortable with sin. God is a spirit and they that worship must do so in spirit and in truth.
Will you speak the truth in love? Will step out and fulfill the plan of God for your life or will you sit on the sideline complaining and waiting for others to do what you have been called to do? Our world is dying and getting weave, buying purses and going to conventions. When we stop doing church and be the church?
I'm just saying, ...live Blessed

Tuesday Tools

Good Tuesday Morning, 

I wanted to share this article with you on our Tuesday Tools. I know everyone that reads this is not married, but I think these communication skills are transferrable to other relationships as well.  Happy reading and remember to ...live Blessed

Two Communication Rules That Can Save Your Marriage 

by Les and Leslie Parrott

All the important communication tools can be reduced to six basic skills. If you learn them and use them, you will be able to give more love to your spouse, and your marriage will become super-charged with positive energy.

They are:

1. Make “I” statements, not “you” statements.

2. Practice reflective listening.

3. Understand and accept the differences between men and women.

4. Apologize when necessary.

5. Power down and get offline.

6. Communicate through touch.

Make “I” Statements, Not “You” Statements

When you are upset with your partner or you feel hurt by him or her, your natural tendency is to attack: “You drive me crazy! You never ask my opinion when you decide something important!”

A “you” statement like this guarantees a relational barrier. Your partner has virtually no alternative but to feel blamed, accused, and criticized. It is extremely unlikely that he or she will say, “Yes, you are right. I can be very insensitive.” Rather, his or her natural reaction will be defensive: “What do you mean? If you have an opinion, just say it. I can’t read your mind.”

And then what typically follows is a returned “you” statement: “You are the one that’s insensitive. Did you ever consider the pressure I’m under right now?”

Volleying “you” statements is a surefire way to spoil an evening. This scene would be completely different had “I” statements been used to report how you felt or how you experienced the situation: “I feel hurt and neglected when you don’t ask my opinion.”

Do you sense the difference? “I” statements dispense information to be understood rather than accusations to be defended. “I” statements are much more likely to elicit concern and caring from your partner: “I’m sorry, honey. I had no idea you were feeling that way.” “I” statements do not cause defensiveness because they say nothing about how bad your spouse is.

There is no benefit to making your spouse feel attacked. Instead of saying, “You are so careless. How could you forget that we were going out tonight?” it would be better to say, “I feel hurt and a little scared when you forget things we plan together.” This allows you to express your feeling of being neglected, but you’re saying it without accusing your partner of intentionally hurting you.

In place of “You try to make me feel stupid by always correct- ing what I say,” say something like, “I feel very put down when you correct little things I say.” Begin your sentences with “I” rather than “you,” and you will save your marriage much misery.

Communication is not what you say, but what your partner understands by what you say. When you make “you” statements, all your partner hears is blame and criticism. “I” statements are much more effective because they allow your message to be correctly heard and understood.

Practice Reflective Listening

A sage once said that the Lord gave us two ears and one mouth and that ratio ought to tell us something. Good point. We often think about learning “good communication skills” as learning to express ourselves more clearly, getting our message across. In fact, however, 98 percent of good communication is listening.

If you can hear, you can listen — right? Wrong. Hearing is passive. Listening is actively interacting with a message by reflecting it back to the sender. Effective listening is a simple habit to develop, but it can be difficult to learn because, in situations where it is most important, we are usually more focused on what we are going to say next than we are on listening to the message being sent.

Consider this typical husband/wife interaction:

Wife: (holding up a navy blue dress with a broad white collar) Look at this! I just got this dress cleaned, and there’s a gray stain all over the collar! I can’t believe it. What am I going to do now? I was going to wear this dress tonight!

Husband: Oh, honey, I don’t think anyone would even notice it. Besides, you could wear your yellow dress. It looks great.

The husband in this scenario was trying to be helpful, but he didn’t listen. He was more concerned with solving the problem than with understanding his wife’s emotions. He could have made any number of remarks that would have made his wife feel heard and understood, such as “I’m so sorry, I’d be furious too” or “I can’t imagine how disappointed you are.”

The point of reflective listening is to let your partner know that you have heard what they said and that you understand their message. By the way, reflective listening is a wonderful way to defuse a potential conflict. If your partner starts hurling “you” statements such as “You are always late,” don’t say, “I am not.” Instead, genuinely express your understanding of his or her feelings by saying, “I know it upsets you when I’m late. It’s got to be exasperating. I’ll work on being on time in the future.” Listen for the message underlying the actual words. “You are always late” means “I’m upset.”

Many of the couples we teach reflective listening to, complain that it feels awkward and sounds phony or even patronizing. That’s why we lay a foundation of being warm, genuine, and empathetic. When reflective listening is grounded in these traits, it is never a robotic function; it comes from the heart. If you are listening deeply, and if you truly care, then what you reflect back to your partner will not be mechanical. Like any new skill, listening may feel awkward at first, but when you begin to experience the difference it makes in your marriage, the awkward feeling will abate quickly.

Remember, however, that true empathy in listening involves change. Unfortunately, some people may learn to listen well, but they fail to heed what they hear. If your partner is asking for a change in your behavior, seriously consider the request and then, if it seems reasonable, act on it.

Just as words without deeds are dead, so is listening without action.

One more thing on listening. If you are at a loss and can’t seem to reflect your partner’s message, do two things: (1) make sure you really want to accurately understand their message, and (2) say something like, “Tell me more about it” or “Help me understand what you mean.” This safety-net technique works wonders.

Renowned Swiss counselor Dr. Paul Tournier has said, “It is impossible to overemphasize the immense need we have to be really listened to, to be taken seriously, to be understood…. No one can develop freely in this world and find a full life without feeling understood by at least one person.”1 When you offer your spouse the gift of listening, you are embodying what marriage was meant to be.

Be quick to listen [and] slow to speak. — James 1:19

1. Paul Tournier, To Understand Each Other (Atlanta: John Knox Press, 1967), 29.

Excerpted with permission from Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrott, copyright Les and Leslie Parrott.

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Your Turn

Even if it’s never been our practice before, today we can begin to communicate with “I” statements and to listen reflectively. Come share your thoughts on our blog. We’d love to hear from you about turning the rules of successful communication into habits that foster happy and healthy relationships!